If I’d woken up this morning, noticed that it’s National Square Dance Day, and been struck with an irresistible urge to go square dancing… I would probably be unable to fulfill that desire today. (For the avoidance of doubt, I was not struck with such an urge on this or any other morning.) Whatever great things one might say about square dancing, it’s not something you can just go do wherever and whenever you want to. You have to have enough people, the right sort of space, the right music, and—crucially, for American versions of square dancing—a caller. Those elements are hard to come by in my neck of the woods. Be that as it may, square dancing has always seemed like quite a production to me, and the couple of times I tried it, I found it to be terribly confusing and pretty much the opposite of fun. Far be it from me to dictate how you shake your groove thing, but as for me, I’ll be celebrating this important national holiday with other modalities of movement.